Cause and Effect-Healing Relationships
Going a little deeper into last week’s post about removing emotional blockages, I believe it's so crucial we understand the importance of how we choose to react to the people around us and situations we might get put into. Whether you buy into it or not, energy is a very real concept, and based on what we put our focus towards and the emotions we attach to them, we can alter our state of being significantly. What are you giving energy to? Are you feeding into negativity? Or are you responding to situations from a place of love and understanding?
LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE
We have no control of the people around us, no matter how hard we try to control the externals it just can't be done. Once we accept this truth, we begin to realize that what we do control is how we react to what is around us. Instead of wasting our energy trying to change somebody, we can put it to better use by controlling the things we can, which is ourselves. People have "bad days" and more often than not, one person's "bad day" creates a domino effect for the people around them. Who's fault is that? Not theirs, actually, it's yours. When we react to these negative actions taken upon us, or allow ourselves to get upset over comments made by someone who is clearly in a negative state of mind we also feed into the negativity, we are unknowingly giving our energy towards this behavior creating more of the same. Instead of seeing this behavior as a projection of what is occurring internally within that person, we internalize it as our own problems and thus alter our moods to match. Ultimately, we choose what we react and respond to and in situations like these, it's a great time to practice indifference. Either you don't react to the situation and go about your business or you assess and respond from a place of love because chances are these are the people who need it the most.
You are You, and I am Me
Whatever your connection to someone is, whether it's a friend or romantic relationship it's so important to create an environment where we allow people to be their true selves. Just as you would like to be accepted for who you are, it's important we give others the same courtesy.
So many people yearn for unconditional love, yet they set so many conditions in their relationships based on preconceived expectations that have nothing to do with the person they are connecting with. When we create these thoughts and expectations in our heads, not only are we trying to control the situation but we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and in turn pushing these people away from us. In my learning experiences, I've come to the realization that when people are honest with us about who they are and what they want, it is not our job to try and change them. We either accept them for who they are (no conditions) or we move on. Too much energy is wasted trying to control or manipulate a situation and the only people we are hurting is ourselves.
In a world where, unfortunately, there are many dishonest people, it's important to value those who are honest and upfront and realize that sometimes the one who is lying to you is yourself. When you are open and honest with yourself, it allows others to behave the same. By removing conditions and trusting, we allow the right people to flow in and out of our lives free of worry and stress.
Create Your Own Happiness
I believe the key to having the most positive life is being able to generate your own love and happiness. So often we see people relying on others to give them something they feel they can't give themselves. When you make a list of things you want from the people around you, you begin to realize with a little bit of effort you can actually provide yourself with these things. Motivation, Happiness, Love, are a few examples of the pressures we put on other people to give to us, and when they fall short we wind up feeling, disappointed and upset and project those emotions onto our loved ones.
You have to learn to "Love Yourself First". The saying may be a cliche one, but it's that way for a reason. When we give ourselves the things we desire to get from other people we remove expectations and give people a safe space to love us in their own capacity. When we constantly crave attention and validation from other people, our daily lives become dependent based off of someone else's mood. We lose the ability to control our reactions because the expectations we have set have already determined those reactions for us.
Way too frequently we hear people talking about not getting the attention they desire from one particular person. Instead of understanding that it might just not be in that person's capacity to give us what we want or that they may be experiencing their own personal issues, we choose to internalize it as something that we have done wrong. Living in this manner creates an extremely fragile foundation that could crumble at any given moment based on someone else's state of mind on a given day.
Your standard of love may be different than someone else's standard of love. When we accept this we can being to appreciate the ways people do show us they care and quit internalizing problems that are not our own. We live in a society where it seems everyone is set on one-upping another person. "They are ignoring me, so I'll ignore them." Matching means comment with mean comments. By doing this we create more conflict and less solution. Instead of reacting with love, we respond with more negativity.
Personally, I know it can be challenging, but I have really tried to put to practice controlling my reactions to my externals. When I feel something is not worth my energy, I will ignore the situation. When people chose to act towards me in negativity I no longer perpetuate the situation. Instead of letting it affect or alter my happiness, I see it as a reflection of something they must be going through internally and I try to react with love (Which sometimes may require removing yourself from the situation).
Depending on the situations that arise it can be difficult not to react or dwell on someone you feel has hurt you in the past. A lot of the books I have read recommend that when there are people who you might feel some type of negativity towards, it is good to practice seeing them in a loving light and wish them happiness, but also realizing what is being reflected back to you by that person. By shifting our perspective and practicing giving love, we break the chain of creating more of the same. We challenge people to ascend to our level instead of descending into negativity. Our society as a whole is in desperate need of healing. All we can do is work towards healing ourselves, and by doing so we set an example for those around us to do the same.
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