Just call me a Love Doctor...
In the past few weeks, I've had so many people coming to me for relationship advice. Whether it's someone psyching themselves out about a blossoming relationship, paranoia that the energy has "shifted", or being asked to sit in on a couples' argument (yeah, that actually happened).
*Fight ensues* Me: Well I'll just go to my room now... Them: No, we'd like you to stay and help us get through this.
Me: Of course, this won't be uncomfortable for me AT ALL...
I really screwed up by not studying psychology, that way I could have at least charged for all these therapy sessions. Instead, I have gained valuable insight that I've been able to apply to my own life and lessons that help me work through my own problems.
I always laugh when people come to me for advice on love and relationships, especially since my love life is nearly non-existent, and when I hear all these problems it serves as a reminder of why I choose to keep it that way. So in honor of all the people out there who seem to be struggling with finding that balance in emotions when it comes to love, these tips are for you!
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
I can't stress enough how important it is to communicate. No, this doesn't mean yelling and saying nasty things to someone in order to get your point across, or getting jealous and jumping to conclusions. It means being honest and speaking your truth. If you feel a certain way just tell someone. If you want an answer to a question, just ask. Instead of trying to play games and manipulate someone into saying or feeling a certain way, just be HONEST. (It's scary... I know, but practice makes perfect.) I've learned that when I am clear and direct it invites others to do the same and the people who want to be in your life will make the effort to communicate back to you.
ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT...AND STICK TO IT.
This tip requires you to be honest with yourself. Be honest about the things you want out of a relationship and stop being afraid to ask for what you want. If you want someone who makes an effort and invests time into their relationships then stop settling for people who do the bare minimum in hopes that they will change for you. This isn't Victoria's Secret. There's no semi-annual sale going on here. You either give me the energy I'm worth or take your business to someone else. LADIES! Say that to yourself and for God's sake BELIEVE IT! If you want to be exclusive, yet your pretending you're ok with "keeping things casual" then when they do as they said, it doesn't make them a liar...but it does make you one. If you're upfront from the beginning and they tell you the truth (whatever that may be) you at least have an option of whether or not you want to waste your time and energy. If they tell you you're crazy for speaking your truth or maturely asking a simple question. Spoiler alert* that's a big ole red flag and you should probably get out while you still can!
STOP BEING AFRAID OF ALONE
It's ok to be on your own sometimes. We grow when we're alone. We learn what we like, what we need, and the things we definitely don't need. When we stop fearing that feeling of alone it allows us to stand our ground when it comes to who we allow and don't allow into our life. My motto has always been that I LOVE to be alone, so whoever wants to be in my life has to convince me that my time is better spent with them rather than being alone. Maybe that's an only child thing, idk. When people come to me for advice and they are constantly riding a rollercoaster of emotions, I wonder, is that relationship worth the amount of energy you're putting into it? Yeah, sure, everyone wants that super passionate can't live without you type of love, but make sure it's not one-sided. Ask yourself if it's normal for you to be calling someone else and asking them to solve your problems, vs. communicating it with the person who you're feeling this way about.
I'm not exempting myself from any of this behavior. Trust me I've been there, done that. But what I have learned is that when you're ok with who you are and honest about what you NEED. It makes it a lot easier to walk away from situations that do not serve you. Instead of stressing out about why he's not texting or calling, learn to enjoy the time you have to yourself. Don't rush into relationships because you're afraid of losing someone or you're afraid to be alone because what people fail to realize is that relationships are work and if you're not ready, you'll look back and miss that time you had to yourself. So keep that in mind, and offer the same space to someone else, cause the last thing you want to do is force someone into a relationship that isn't ready. Which leads me to my last tip...
WHAT'S MEANT TO BE...WILL BE
Whether you choose to believe this statement or not is up to you. I truly believe there is a time and place for everything and you should try to make the most of whatever place you are in. Stop rushing to get somewhere and enjoy where you are in that present moment. Life is short so enjoy all the little moments and trust that in the right time things will be as they should be. SO enjoy those who come into your life and trust when they flow out, because whether it’s a week from now or a few years, the things that are meant to be will always find a way into your life.
