Lessons in Letting Go
Most of you reading this probably identify me as a golfer or maybe just some golf girl you follow on social media. This is true, I am that girl, but I am also infinitely more than just a girl who golfs. I consider golf to be the vehicle currently taking me through life. It teaches me more than I could ever imagine and has taken me many places, but that’s all it is, something that is taking me from one point to the next.
The majority of my life in golf has been learning to separate Jennifer the “Golfer”, from Jennifer the “Person”. At times I still struggle to differentiate the two and unfortunately it’s those attachments we create in life that cause us the most pain. I’m sure I am not alone when it comes to athletes experiencing the fear of, “who am I without this sport?”
It’s the whole dilemma of caring, but not caring. Giving something you’re all, but not letting it define you. Mastering this I believe is the key to finding happiness.
It’s not just sports-related. The same goes for relationships. You have to let go of attachments and just be in the present. I dated a guy that always used to tell me, “you’re either a blessing or a lesson”. He’d say it so nonchalantly and at the time I didn’t really grasp what he was trying to say, but after breaking my heart, and spending so much time wondering how he could do that to ME? I realized what he meant. He didn’t hurt me, I hurt myself. He was already setting himself up for reality. It wasn’t one or the other. It was both. Unlike me, he hadn’t put attachments to the relationship. He enjoyed it for what it was and realized that like anything in life it could have an expiration date. So enjoy it while you’ve got it and when it’s time to let go, just appreciate it for what it was. There is a lot of beauty in that and transference to other facets of life.
It’s taken me until this year to realize that all the hurt and heartbreak in my life has been self-created. I’ve always created timelines for myself. By the time I’m 26, I’ll have won this tournament, I’ll be here doing this, I’ll be making xxxx amount of money, and each time something doesn’t happen according to plan I’ll let myself down. Trust me, nothing hurts more than disappointing yourself. You can’t escape you, no matter how hard you try.
Then it clicked, I don’t have to keep disappointing myself. Not if I let go of my expectations.
I took a yoga class a few months back where the teacher said “don’t worry how you look today, you can’t change that in a day, accept who you are on this day and just BE.” THIS resonated with me on so many levels. When it comes to golf, or whatever you choose to relate this to, you have to know there will be some days that are worse than others. Just because I shoot a high score one day it doesn’t define me as a bad golfer. We are allowed to make mistakes, we are allowed to not be perfect. It’s in those flaws that we learn to grow and become who we are destined to be.
I spend so much time being upset and disappointed that I’m not where I want to be, but maybe I’m exactly where I need to be. It’s just those attachments and emotions that I have used to back those thoughts with that keep me from realizing the truth.
If you are in a similar situation in life, or perhaps a relationship, or going through a breakup, try detaching yourself from the situation. Look at it as an outsider. What are your thoughts and feelings, why do you have them? What’s the blessing and what’s the lesson? Observe, understand, and try to let go.
If I have a putt for birdie, I read the green, I line it up, take my practice swing, and after I do everything in my power to make sure the ball goes in the hole. I take a deep breath and remind myself it’s just a putt and it’s just a game. If it goes in it goes in, if not we move on to the next hole.
