Breaking Patterns
Wow, has 2018 been a year of transformation so far or what? Maybe that's just me. Coming into the year I learned a lot about doing things for me and learning that not everyone has my best intentions. Some people have you in their life for convenience and it's so important to recognize that and know when you should act in your own self-interest instead of constantly bending over backwards for people who would not do the same for you.
It's funny, I've always been told I tend to focus on the good in people and while that's a great quality it's often what gets me in trouble. Letting people use and abuse you emotionally far longer than they should because you don't want to step on anyone’s toes. We get stuck in these loops, be it relationships, friendships, or even life experiences and we create these beliefs that we continue to bring from the past into future situations and we create this vicious never-ending circle until we finally find the strength to break the pattern.
I remember I went through a string of five tournaments where I would always start my first round bogey, bogey, double, and I would have to fight my way back each time. After the second time it happened I created a belief, a fear. Each time I teed up for my first round I would focus so hard on just making par. I'd be so in my head about not starting with a bogey that normally that's exactly what would happen and then I'd think..."Here we go again" and guess what? That's exactly what would happen. I was so caught up in this loop that I didn't realize it was completely self-created.
Later on in my career, I learned that my last round has no correlation to this present round. The golf ball doesn't remember what happened yesterday. Just because I missed a 10 footer on the last hole doesn't mean I'm going to miss every ten-footer. It's how I react that is going to influence whether or not I repeat the same mistakes as before or not. Which is why it's so important to remember not to bring past beliefs into current situations. It's a completely new moment, a completely new experience.
As in my experiences with golf, so I have learned in life. It is so crucial to see when a pattern is occurring and learn when it's time to release something that is no longer serving you. I've always said that life is like a plane ride. We are going from one destination to another, there's a path but sometimes when we get off course we need turbulence to jolt us back onto the correct stream. It's up to you how rough you let the turbulence get. I don't know about you guys, but I am NOT a fan of bumpy rides.
I get massive anxiety attacks on airplanes during turbulence and I always chant to myself, "You're safe, you're just uncomfortable, it will be over soon." Anytime we go through a period of growth, it can be very uncomfortable. It is by no means easy to change behaviors and break old habits, but just like turbulence you have to remember it will be over soon and you will get to that smoother air.
Starting off the year, I hit some pretty rough bumps. I came to the realization that no matter what you do for some people they will always be out for themselves and instead of seeing the good and being grateful, they are always going to demand more from you. Instead of having the self-respect for myself to walk away from these situations and people, I stayed and continued to try and change myself to make them more comfortable when at the end of the day nothing will ever be good enough for that person. I eventually got tired of people treating me like shit and then either blaming me or making excuses for their behavior only to come back into my life and do it again.
Now, here is the thing. The blame is 100% on me for allowing this to continuously happen. When I realized this and started saying, I'm going to do me and if anyone has an issue with this, then by all means evaluate why you feel this way (or don't) but I am done changing myself for other people. So either you want me in your life or you don't. That simple. It's funny how when you switch it up and start treating people the way they treat you, you become villainized. Interesting.
Sometimes we have to learn the hard way. Sometimes we realize looking back that we didn't have to go through so much rough air in order to get to a destination, but we are also human and we make mistakes, and sometimes we have to grow through pain and learning to break unhealthy habits. I've learned that sometimes it's better not to react to situations, just let them play out and let what comes, come and what goes, go. Just observe and then if you feel the need it is important to EXPRESS, however you feel the need to, making sure it's in a non-hurtful way. So whatever story you are telling yourself or whatever loop you might be stuck in. Try to recognize it, and try to break the thought pattern, by doing so you are allowing the things you actually want to flow into your life. MOST IMPORTANTLY, have COMPASSION for those who cause you hurt, because chances are they are stuck in their own loops and may not even really be aware of it. All we can truly hope for is that by breaking out of our own behavioral patterns it helps heal other people from theirs.
