Hypnosis? What it's all about? My Experience.
When it comes to personal development, it's not a secret that I'm pretty much up to try anything. Recently, I had a consultation for business coaching. I am 100% an advocate of no matter where or how established you are in life you can always benefit from having some form of a coach or a mentor. So, as of recently, I've been in search of one who resonates with what I want for myself and is able to grasp my vision and how to help me get there.
Well, after my thirty-minute consultation last week that ended up running more like an hour, I felt as though I found someone who was really able to connect with me on a deep level. I went in talking about my business goals and after 5 minutes she was able to pinpoint mental blockages that I hadn't even fully acknowledged, which to be honest left me a bit stunned. 5 minutes and she had already honed in on my emotional unavailability and my knack for self-sabotaging (Oh...didn't realize it was that obvious.) Turns out these fun little self-limitations not only hinder my business development but also my relationships with others, as well as my relationship with myself.
She proceeded to talk to me about hypnotherapy and explain how before we could move forward with the business coaching we first must heal whatever event in my life serves as the root cause for these limiting beliefs. She handed me a box of Kleenex....which, I quickly placed far away from myself, letting her know she'd be hard-pressed to get any tears out of me. The only people who have managed to see me cry are those with who I am extremely close and comfortable with (and maybe a few who've been around me in situations when I've had a few too many alcoholic beverages).
A week and 2 hours of hypnotherapy later, my head hurts from all the crying I did. Like I said, I'll try anything if it's promising to grow or evolve me in some way. Hypnosis has always been something I've been a little skeptical about, but after sitting in that chair, being regressed to childhood, and crying freely to this complete stranger, I'm pretty sure I must have been frickin hypnotized.
The entire purpose of the session was to regress, find the root cause, understand, heal that inner child, and let go of those past experiences. My biggest concern going in was that I didn't want to uncover some weird repressed memory (which she assured me, doesn't work like that). It just addresses a moment or a feeling when you started developing these thoughts and how that affected and molded your belief system. I figured I'd share with you a bit about my hypnosis experience and what understanding I've managed to come out with.
Understanding our Inner Child
My regression took me back to when I was 5 years old, feeling overly sensitive and very different from everyone else. I felt rejected and the kids in my class would make fun of me and call me "cry, baby". I had one friend who despite considering them to be my best friend they were cruel and did a lot of things to put me down. While in my subconscious I had attached a face to my pain, the reality was all the beliefs were self-created. My five-year-old self just wanted to understand how she could look up to someone and have so much love for this person only to be reciprocated with unkindness and hot/cold behavior (Sounds like the never-ending record of my life). I had created comfort surrounding the idea that love (whether it's friendship or romantic) is pain, and the more pain I felt the more I built my shell and learned to repress those emotions that made me feel so different.
Understanding your Triggers
Re-living these emotions made everything else so clear. I finally understood how I've gotten to this point and why I pursue the relationships that I pursue. I've been looking for that answer to the question little 5-year-old Jenn had been asking. Still fighting to understand how sometimes we can do so much for someone only to have them respond with cruelty or hatefulness, unknowingly causing harm to myself and creating disappointments that spill into other facets of my life. Constantly chasing that feeling of fulfillment from my externals, whether it's success in golf, my career, or relationships, only to self-sabotage and shut myself down in order to avoid feeling that hurt and disappointment. It's easy to chase these expectations because sometimes it's easier for us to cope with the disappointment of not giving our all than it is to give our all and put ourselves at risk to have to actually feel it all.
Acceptance
While in the hypnosis I had a nice little chat with 5 year old me. I told her, 1. Be you. You are beautiful. Your ability to feel and to feel free is a gift. 2. Who gives a shit what people think. Not everyone's going to like you and that's OK. More reason to be yourself.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. We are raised in a society that teaches us to repress our emotions, my experience is a prime example of this. I am sensitive and love way more than I should and allow the people I love to get away with way more than they should and because of that, I've built my icy, emotionally unavailable exterior. The reality, which brought me the most tears in the session was that a little 5-year-old was made to feel the need to repress this beautiful, creative, and sensitive way of seeing the world. I've decided it's time to break free from this belief. I choose to no longer miss out on experiences in life out of a fear of feeling hurt or pain, because when we numb ourselves to that we are also numbing ourselves to moments of extreme joy.
It's a process that I'm sure 2 hours of hypnotherapy won't completely solve, but when we are made more aware of the root cause, we can begin taking the necessary steps to solve the problem. My hope is that I can get back to being as emotionally free and connected to the source as that 5-year-old girl, but for now the best I can do is release her and focus on being who I want to be in this moment.
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I highly recommend testing out a clinical hypnotherapist if you have the chance, and if you are in the Tampa area check out Debbie at Soho Wellness Med Spa.
