Working Through Triggers
I woke up feeling so full of energy this morning, like a surge of inspiration, happiness, and overall love for life. I'm rejoicing at this and trying to absorb/take advantage of today's positivity because I have to admit this past week has been rough! I can't say anything significant occurred, it just felt like an overall heaviness. My heart chakra felt completely blocked, just about everything was triggering me, and I felt this sense of numbness. Maybe it was a collective energy, maybe I'm not the only one who struggled this past week, but I pretty much chose to accept it. I cried I had breakdowns, I reacted to others. Whatever I felt like doing. I did. Then I forgave myself because I knew that eventually, this energy was going to pass, and voilà, here we are. I like to compare it to having a cold. When you're sick the best thing to do is to let it run its course. It's like your body is crying out for some rest, and when you fight it you end up overexerting your energy and then that cold turns into the flu and ends up lasting much longer than you anticipated. I have learned that the same goes towards emotional health. When we fight so hard to trick or distract ourselves from that which we are feeling, we prolong the process it takes to actually resolve it. As always, in moments of darkness, I feel there is always much that comes to light. So much to learn from. Which is why this week I'm sharing with you, how I have learned to cope with times when I feeling down.
Prioritize Yourself
Personally, when I find myself in these lows, I become veryyy selective about who I choose to spend time with. I consider myself to be very sensitive to the energy of others and I am aware of how powerful my own energy can be felt. Most of the time, I'll retreat to hermit mode and choose to be alone for days or even, at times, weeks. You can imagine, I get tons of shit for doing this or people trying to insult me by saying, "I live in my own world". Well, it's true. I do live in my own world, therefore I need to constantly protect and put myself first, but trust me I'm doing others a favor as well by not forcing people to deal with my yucky energy. You're welcome. The truth is I'm not perfect. None of us are. When we find ourselves in these lows, it's sooo easy to be triggered. It's so easy to have reactions based on our own projections of self and sometimes when we feel low we don't have the strength to overcome these feelings. That's ok. I've learned to just take note of these insecurities and keep working on finding the root cause as to why you feel triggered by certain things. While it's important to be aware of what causes these triggers, it's also important to know it's ok to choose not to be around certain people who constantly bring out the worst in you. Protect yourself first. Sometimes certain people don't blend. This is also, OK.
FEEL IT
Back in my college days, I would go through some pretty serious lows. My solution was self-medication. I was most definitely a functioning alcoholic and depending on what mood I was looking for would determine my substance of choice. At some point, I woke up and realized that it was not ok to constantly be altering my state of consciousness. Granted, I'm sure many of you are thinking, (well that's what you do in college), and sadly for a lot of people it doesn't just stop after college, it only creates the habit. By my third year of school, I realized I didn't want to be dependent on something else to make me feel like "myself". At first, I would be extremely anxious and uncomfortable in social settings and went through a phase where I had terrible social anxiety. I had to learn on my own how to overcome these anxieties and trust me it has taken a very long time, and I still have days where that anxiety creeps in. What I've learned is that there are days where I am extremely social. I love to be around people and I love my wine or drink at a bar. Then there are those days where the last thing I want to do is be out at a bar or surrounded by people, these are the days that I trust my instincts and stay at home. I don't force myself by saying "Well, let me just get really drunk, and then I'll have fun" No. That's the worst thing you can do. Trust me. We all have our vices. Whether it's drugs, alcohol, or food. Your brain has a common goal, to fill that emotional void inside of you. Unfortunately, these quick fixes don't actually work and sometimes you just gotta go through it to get through it. Know what I'm saying?
Finding Healthier Substitutions
Alcohol and drugs have not been my vice for a very long time. Nooo. When I am feeling sad or triggered I would much rather sit at home, watch tv, and eat a whole bag of popcorn. Then I'll wake up the next day and be so upset with myself, and so begins the self-sabotaging cycle. Fat Bastard got it right when he said, "I'm unhappy cause I'm fat, and I'm fat because I'm unhappy." I am extremely aware that when I get into those cycles, I only perpetuate my anxiety. It's another distraction and not a healthy one. It wasn't until recently that I realized, I mean that it really CLICKED that I'm the one in control. Every time I feel like crap it's because I've let myself get to that point. Every time I've self-sabotaged myself by gaining weight I worked so hard to lose, or making a fool of myself because I was "blackout drunk", that's all on me. When we take ownership and control of our lives we are no longer controlled by our externals. This past week I had so many moments that I felt so triggered, my instinct was to do what I always do, commence self-destruct mode. BUT something inside me said, f*ck no. Something inside me felt empty and instead of trying to fill it with shit, I decided to fill it with some good stuff. Last week I made the effort to show up to more yoga classes, be in nature, read more. While doing all these things I just really focused on absorbing the energy, feeling the poses, getting lost in my imagination.
It's important to remind yourself to fight through destructive behaviors and really work on breaking bad habits and cycles. It's ok to feel like shit sometimes, but take notice of what you are feeding yourself energetically in these moments...more shit? Or are you feeding yourself love and compassion? Sometimes the battle might seem the hardest when the victory is at its closest. You just have to learn to believe in yourself and trust that you are truly strong enough to get through even the most difficult of times. <3
-J
