2020: The Year of Miracles

I suppose I should start this off by wishing everyone a Happy New Year! 

As we enter 2020, we are not only starting fresh with a new calendar year, but also an entirely new DECADE. Some of us have resolutions set to go to the gym more, establish careers, release the fears that hinder our success, or perhaps take more time to give ourselves the T.L.C. we are craving in our day-to-day lives. 

2019, for me, was a massive year of growth and establishing a renewed sense of independence. It was about answering questions like, "who am I?", "What am I doing", and "Where am I going?" It was the year I removed limitations, established a solid foundation for success, and took a hell of a lot of risks. Some paid off...some did not. BUT despite the occasional failures, I chose to see tremendous beauty and bravery in the attempts. 

2019 brought in many new friendships for me, as well as deepened connections with pre-existing ones. As we counted down the last ten seconds of the year I was surrounded by friends, this feeling had such a profound sense of importance to me knowing I'd be taking this love for the people in my life into the New Year.  

Two years ago my life began to transform when I read "A Course in Miracles". Beginning to see the little miracles that occur in our daily lives, like seeing "11:11" to the big Miracles of having those deep epiphanic moments of realizing all the love I need in my life not only surrounds me but is also already within me. It is just a matter of allowing it to be felt, being open to experiencing these divine moments of love, and knowing that even the smallest of miracles, is still a miracle.  

In the weeks leading up to New Year’s Eve, I began to re-read parts of the manuscript that I had highlighted and bookmarked back in 2017. Not only did the words still resonate, but parts I may have overlooked in the past held more meaning for me now. This book took me nearly a year to finish in order to truly digest its teachings. It is not for the faint of heart, but I highly recommend it if you are looking to change your life. Because the book had such an impact on me, I have tied it into one of my 2020 resolutions of wanting to get back to writing and also reconnecting with all the beautiful teachings I have learned and hope to share those learnings with others. 

2019 was my year of saying yes. Yes to Adventure. Yes to success. Yes to failures. Yes to heartbreak. Yes to LOVE. 

2019 was realizing that the ultimate form of self-love, I've learned, comes from allowing yourself the safety to feel every single one of these things and not choosing to deprive yourself out of fear. 

2019  was about slowly knocking down the walls around me and breaking out of the chains I created for myself. 

Moving into 2020, I feel an innate sense of freedom, which both frightens and excites me. I feel a sense of unlimited potential for where I can go in the New Year/Decade. So, my intention is simple. "You are Safe." 

Safe to grow.

Safe to feel.

Safe to be whatever you want to be. 

Safe to Believe In Miracles.

But most importantly,

You are safe to allow those Miracles (big or small) to bring joy and love in to transform your life. 

-J

What Life on The Road Taught Me About Love & Relationships

I had a client ask me, "How do I deepen my relationships, with friends, family, and lovers?" The message and advice that came to me was something that made me think about my own involvement with others. How do we use spirituality to maximize our moments and our relationships with other people? How do we learn to allow the space for others to come to us? Most importantly, when the time comes, how do we learn to let go?

Traveling all over the country for golf, I was constantly staying in host housing. Strangers who let me into their homes for a week. They would cook for me, stay up late talking to me, treating me like family in one of the most lonely and grueling times of my life. These people were my saviors on the road. When Sunday would roll around, I knew the fate that I would have to face. Sundays were the day I'd have to say goodbye to the people who started out as strangers and by the end of the week felt like family. Family that I would most likely never see again. I got used to feeling the tight squeeze of their hugs and seeing the sadness in their eyes at realizing that the week had come to an end. I'd be lying if I said my heart didn't break a little each time, but by Sunday evening I'd be in a new city, a new home, with a new family, ready to repeat the same cycle all over again, knowing very well that the next Sunday was only 7 days away. 

Goodbyes are never easy, and when you say it enough you become a sort of expert at handling them. Knowing that people are put in your life for a reason, sometimes a season, and when the time comes to move on, knowing you gave all you could to the moments you spent with those people. Sundays were always a sad day for me, but not once did that keep me from giving myself fully to the people I'd be spending the next week with. So, I'd take the pain of goodbye, because the blessing and joys of the deep bond I had formed with these people were far greater than any sadness I could possibly feel. Call it, bittersweet. 

My second year on the road, I went through my own heartbreak. Not wanting to let go of a failed relationship, which channeled its way into my performance, which in turn doubled the heartbreak when it came to my failed career goals. It was one of the most difficult times of my life, emotionally, but the silver lining was the lessons that I learned in that time period. The days that I felt good, were the days that I was around people, being fully present in that moment with whoever I was with at the time. Giving 100% of myself to whoever it is that is currently present with me. Nothing else could possibly exist in those moments. 

The bad days, were days where I could be alone or with people and instead of focusing on my immediate surroundings. I would focus on the past. Memories. Wondering where someone is and what they are doing. Wonder why things didn't turn out the way I'd hoped for. It was this inability to let go, that kept me from living in the present moment and ultimately being happy in that present moment. 

It's amazing to me how I could fearlessly give myself to these strangers and at the end of the week move on, feeling love and joy for having had the opportunity to experience these encounters. Yet, when it comes to relationships, why is it that letting go can never be that simple? Maybe, it's the expectations we set. Living in the future, instead of being present in the moment. Enjoying the time we have with that person and loving with our whole hearts, regardless of how long or short our time maybe with them. People can only match you, where you are at. If I would have had my guard up around these families, then chances are they would have done the same. Yes, moving to different homes week to week might have been easier, but It would have been far less fulfilling and my most precious moments on the road have everything to do with the relationship and people that crossed my path along the way. 

Some people aren't meant to be in our lives forever. Some people are meant to teach us lessons. Lessons in heartbreak and lessons in love. Whether they are lovers or friends. All the many goodbyes I have had to say in my life taught me a whole lot about love, and how when we open ourselves up to experiencing these moments, being fully present, giving ourselves to others without expectations, there is never a shortage of love available to you. When we operate from a place of fear, people will match that. So, if you want deeper relationships and stronger bonds, only you can dictate how much you are willing to give of yourself, respecting how present others may choose to make themselves to you, and understanding that sometimes timing comes into play and people may not always have the capacity to match your energy. Knowing in these moments that sometimes it's best to walk away, trusting that if something is meant to be, it will be. 

As much as we may want to, we can't control other people. We can't force others to make the decisions we'd like them to. What we can control is how present we are in each moment. How much we give to each moment. Are you giving your energy to the past? Or are you giving energy to the future? Neither one exist. Remember that when you feel hurt, or anxious. It does NOT exist. Only the feeling you've attached to that moment exists. 

Nothing stays the same. 

It can be one of the most heartbreaking truths, but there is also so much beauty in the fact that whatever hurt or sadness you may feel, won't last forever. So, if you are craving more meaningful relationships, stop taking people for granted when you have them right in front of you. Love like there is an expiration date. When the time comes, find the beauty in the time you spent and the experiences you were able to have with those people. Not only will you invite more love into your life, but it will give you a new sense of gratitude for the people who give themselves fully to you, but also how to recognize those who make the effort to find ways to stick around your life a little bit longer.   

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2019: The Year of No More Disappointments.

Welcome to 2019! how's everyone doing so far? Still, basking in the freshness of this new motivating energy? Ready to tackle a new year? Grow a little bit more. Move further away from the things we chose to finally leave behind back in 2018? It seems as a collective, 2018 was a big year for growth and transitions. No longer giving energy towards that which doesn't serve you and really moving towards finding that long term sustainable happiness. If you're late to the game, worry not, it's never too late to start on your pursuit of happiness. 

We are in that window of time where parking spots at the gym become harder to come by, and our workouts are filled with many fresh new faces hoping to implement new activities into their routines. By the time February rolls around the crowd thins out and life sort of teeters back to that previous state of comfort. Perhaps, it is the pressure of having to completely uproot and change your life as the clock strikes midnight. Or, it's the self-sabotaging fear of disappointment that holds us back from sticking to our resolutions and reaching our maximum potential. 

Whether it's a New Years Resolution or something that's been on your list of things to do for a while, make today the day that you stop blocking yourself from what it is you truly want. Have you been wanting to start a blog? Maybe write a book? Maybe start a side gig? What's stopping you? What is the reason you are saying one day instead of today? Think about it. There are so many excuses we can make and so many ways in which we sabotage ourselves, but today I feel like talking about that pesky fear of being disappointed. Mainly, because it's one of the things I have decided not to bring into 2019. 

Detach From Your Emotions

For the longest time, I could never understand this concept. Being a highly emotional person, in the sense that my passion and emotions are what drive me, I never understood how I could be passionate, give something my all, and then remove my emotions from the equation. I heard this the most while I was playing golf. At the risk of sounding dramatic, (which, I am) I would put all of my heart into this area of my life, which is what made my disappointments all the more soul-crushing. When you have your heart broken so many times, you build up a wall. It's your internal defense system. Instead of being shocked and hurt by the disappointment, you just learn to expect it. Makes it easier right? Well, wrong. In building this fortress of "protection", you actually begin to pass up on opportunities for success because you are stuck being attached to some emotion from a past situation that you are bringing into the present. This shot right here is not the same shot I may have missed in the past. The relationship you are contemplating with this new person is not going to be the same as the one you had with a completely different person. You must detach yourself from this emotion that stems from past situations. Past Fears. There is no reason for it to be present at this moment unless you bring it there. It manifests in all areas of your life. For me, it got to a certain point where I had to analyze, why am I constantly being disappointed? I can't say I was shocked when I concluded that I am the common denominator. 

It's YOU

If you're asking yourself why the same thing keeps happening, you should know it is you. Sorry. Someone's got to say it. We are all guilty of this, so you are not alone. It's important, to be honest with yourself on how you may be sabotaging yourself. Not just in relationships, but a career, and life in general. It is so easy to resort back to what is comfortable, what is safe. Amidst building our walls that are meant to keep out disappointment, we are also blocking things that might truly bring us happiness. Not wanting to let people in, out of fear they'll let us down as all the other ones do. SO you start acting a bit colder and more detached. Not pursuing a passion, because of how awful it would feel to go for something only to fail. When we set ourselves up immediately focusing on all the ways we could be disappointed, then what generates in our lives is more disappointments. It's a self-created, vicious, cycle.

What You Focus On Grows!

I've said this in many of my posts, but it's worthy of repeats and constant reminders. If you are constantly focused on how you've been disappointed in the past, how you could potentially fail, or how you'll be let down in the future, you will create it. Our minds are very powerful. Be cautious of where it is you are directing it. Instead, try focusing on all the good that can come of it. Focus on the things about whatever it is you want that makes you happy, don't sweat the small stuff. Start focusing on all the ways things can go right, and begin to detach from those past thoughts and past hurts. Doing this alone will help you see tremendous shifts throughout your life. 

Life is easy if we decide to let it be, you just have to learn to be selective of your thoughts. Emotions are not what we should be afraid of, it's our inability to express an emotion that keeps us trapped reliving the past, and past traumas/heartbreak. So, if you are cutting cords this new year, go ahead and decide to separate yourself from the emotions and failures of the past. It is a new year after all, and tomorrow is a new day. When you finally do decide to let that wall down, you might be surprised to find all the things that have been dying to get inside. 

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Night of The Living Exes

It's that time of the year, boys and girls. The zombies are coming out of the ground. Ghosts are coming back to do their usual hauntings. It's terrifying, really. All my girls know what I'm talking about. Guys, maybe you can relate? It's that window of time that anyone you've ever had any sort of relationship or communication with comes out of the damn woodwork. It starts with one and then becomes a chain reaction.

This month has been nothing short of horrific for me. It starts with a few, "How you been?" texts, maybe some sliding into the DM's. Innocent stuff. I'm usually bored, and pretty friendly, so I entertain. One morning I woke up to find a cockroach in my apartment, and being my spiritually attuned self, I thought, Oooo that is not a Good Omen. 

In Latin culture, when your past relationships come back to haunt you, you call them cockroaches. Here's where things get scary. When one shows up knocking on your door, and then you find out another moved in next door to you...I realized I had a very bad infestation problem.

I'm out here trying to live MY BEST LIFE, and I realize I have all this energy around me blocking me from moving TF on with my life. So, in true Jen fashion I thought, how might I be the cause of this? Well for starters. You can't let one cockroach in without expecting others to follow. 

When this batch rolls in, there are always some I am happy to see made their way back. I put energy into thinking THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT. Then guess what? THEY HAVEN'T CHANGED. It's a movie you've watched over and over. You know the ending but yet somehow you are still surprised. It's a terrible loop. Then I have others sending me texts and messages that I think hmm what's the harm in chatting. Until the conversation shifts to them thinking they have some sort of claim on me because they've liked me for so long, or they've waited for so long. Then I get mad. 

You see, at some point or another. These people had their opportunities and didn't take them.  While it's always an ego boost to see someone come back saying "They've made a horrible mistake". Yeah, ya did. It also opens up that door to the dead, and honestly, that door should be left closed. 

I realized this. Me holding on and keeping the door cracked for these roaches to get in is just a reflection of my fear of the unknown. It's so much easier for me to go watch that movie over and over again than to find a new one that I don't know the ending to. It's easier to control and entertain, that which we know or have known than to actually move forward with our lives into what we've never known. But why? By trusting in what's ahead of us, vs constantly looking back we give ourselves the opportunity to manifest something truly spectacular into our lives. Beyond our imagination. 

My wake up call literally came knocking on my door, for me to realize it's time to Raid all you motherf*ers. Sometimes in order to feel safe and protected we anchor ourselves to the past, and by anchoring, we give people the opportunity to weigh us down. You have the power to pull up that anchor. You have the power to cut that cord. Sometimes, you have to stand in your power and decide it's time to set sail, and anyone who missed the boat probably didn't deserve to be on board anyway.    

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All You Need Is Love

I’ve been getting so much love this past week, so I figured I’d make this post all about the subject of Love. Is there really a better topic? Or a better reason for us to be here on this planet? I think not. Love, my friends, is the answer. 

Walking down the street, flashing a smile and saying hello to a stranger.

Taking the time to ask someone how there day is going.

Expressing gratitude and appreciation to those who help us. Whether the task is big or small. Whether it’s a loved one or a stranger.

These are all examples of small meaningful moments that you might think have no impact, but it’s in these small exchanges of loving and positive energy that we are able to raise our own vibration. 

Some people mistake the idea of love as merely an exchange between two people romantically involved, but lessening such a grand concept down to something so shallow really strips away it’s true power. You’ve heard that old cliché so many times, “In order to get love, we must give love”, but do you really understand what that means?

What energy have you been putting out into The Universe? If you’re focus on the feeling of hatred or how much you dislike someone, chances are that negativity is manifesting it’s way back into your life. In the past when I used to feel anger towards someone (and even sometimes now *Deep Breaths* ) I realized how exhausting it was to have that hate in my heart. It takes so much energy to have that much resentment for someone, and that energy can consume you….and let me tell you, that person…probably unaffected. Hell, that energy you’re sending is probably helping propel them to greatness. What you focus on grows. Its the law of attraction 101. 

As I’ve gotten older and wiser, I have learned how valuable and precious my energy is. I’ve learned how to maximize, build, and elevate my vibes. Which means steering clear of thoughts and emotions that do not serve me. Don’t get me wrong shit still pisses me off, and I’ll probably have no issue making you aware that I’m upset. That’s just who I am. But, after I’ve expressed myself, I summon my Zen Jen qualities and immediately detach myself from giving any more energy to situations that no longer serve me. Then, in the instances that I feel extra upset with someone or like, I can’t move past those feelings I do this really radical exercise where I send tons and tons of love. Chances are if someone has acted towards you out of negativity, it’s because they are in need of healing. So send those good vibes. Because I’m gonna tell you my essentials for stretching and maximizing your own energy. 

ALL THAT REALLY EXISTS IS LOVE

Jealousy, Fear, Hate. It’s all fake news people. It’s self created in you’re own mind. It exists because you have chosen to allow it to exist. It’s no secret that we currently live in an ego driven society. People living in survival mode and scarcity beliefs. When we shift our perspectives to one of gratitude we start to allow more love energy into our lives. There is so much beauty in the world and we are constantly surrounded by these small moments reminding us to be happy and grateful, all we have to do is pay attention. This morning I went for a walk and in the murky river water, I saw a dolphin. What a beautiful little gift from the universe sending me my daily reminder of how loved I am. In that moment I was so overwhelmed with gratitude and joy to be able to experience that moment that I decided to share my newly acquired energy and say hello and greet the strangers I passed on my walk. My only hope is that by me passing on my energy, others might be able to experience the same wonderful start to their day that I had. 

Know the difference in energy you are putting out

You can never be depleted when the energy you put out comes from a vibration of love. Positive vibes can only multiply. Haven’t you noticed when you truly do something for someone and it comes from a place of love, you are normally met with the same. This is a transference of energy. It’s building energy. It’s so important to be aware when the energy you are giving is not coming from that pure state. Are you giving in hopes of getting back? Is what you’re giving out coming from a place of fear or need for approval? Whether people believe in the concept of “energy” or not, theres no denying the ability to feel when someone is being disingenuous. This is when people struggle with energetic imbalances. 

Learn to be your own source of energy  

If by now you’re all aboard the “energy” train, then you know that the entire world is just one massive force of energy. So creating your own is actually pretty simple. Have you ever rubbed your hands together and then pulled them apart? Chances are you feel them heat up and then feel a strong pull between the two. Bam! That's energy. Created by…you. Easy, right? So, when we master this, we stop looking to other people to fill our energetic cups. So many romantic relationships suffer due to this imbalance. Someone looking to another in order to make them happy, and feeling low when the other can’t deliver. Noooo. Make yourself happy first! This is not a step that you should skip. Imagine how amazing a relationship could be with two people who know how to make themselves happy and then in turn make each other happy? Think of all the positive vibes you’re building there! Life doesn’t have to be a struggle. Love and Relationships don’t have to be tumultuous. You’ve only created that belief in your mind. When we learn to give ourselves love and realize that everything is source, then we make it easier to spread love to others. 

So yes, at the end of the day love is the answer for everything.

If you’re feeling upset. Send love to whoever or whatever made you feel upset. Then send love to yourself.

If you feel those irrational fears creeping in, remember that fear is just a figment of the imagination and when you detach from those fears all thats left is love. 

If you’re having a bad day, remind yourself of all you have to be grateful for and then push yourself to give out a little extra love that day. You’ll see there are plenty of people willing to give it back.

Love is infinite, and as long as you’re looking you can find it anywhere you go. Whether it’s in the form of gratitude, nature, loved ones, or even strangers. Collect that shit. Then spread it around cause we can all benefit from a little extra love in our lives. <3

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